still healing, yet delivered

Hi ladies,

It’s been a minute since I’ve written here — and honestly, what better time than now to let y’all into what’s been happening these past few months? Before I dive in, let me just say: I missed y’all. I genuinely hope you've been doing well and taking care of yourselves.

New year, new transparency?

Maybe that should be a thing. 👀

But seriously, let’s get into the nitty-gritty of where I’ve been and what God has been doing behind the scenes. If you’ve been following the blog, you might remember a post I shared where God placed on my spirit the importance of healing — not just individually, but as a community.

This meant that God wasn't simply trying to push me to heal just emotionally, physically or even spiritually. God was looking to perform a complete overhaul. He didn't just want me to look or feel different, but to return different. I couldn't say I wanted to heal, and sought out opportunities to do so but still entertain the urges that make me sick. That's counterproductive. Still, it was hard for me to accept the challenges that came with diving head-first into this new healing journey.

The Wake-Up Call: When Healing Became Non-Negotiable

I think I just got tired. Tired of choosing habits and behaviors that didn’t align with who I truly was—entertaining relationships I knew the Lord told me to release, numbing my discomfort with distractions, saying "yes" when I wanted to say "no." Even when it hurt, I clung to them. Why? Because they were familiar. But familiar doesn’t mean fruitful. Tired of doing things I knew weren’t right, but still couldn’t seem to put them down — even when they hurt me, even when the outcome was never in my favor. I was functioning, but I wasn’t free. And that’s when it hit me: healing wasn’t optional anymore. It was the only way forward.

Proverbs 26:11, puts it like this:

"Like a dog that returns to his vomit, so does a fool return to his own foolishness."

When you've grown comfortable in one specific way of living or doing, you don't feel a need to change things. This is especially true if the way you currently doing things still "works." If there's one thing I learned on this healing journey, it would be this: The behaviors you have adapted to in one season are not going to be useful to where God is taking you; they were coping skills. The new skills you will develop are not just applicable in the current season, but will continue to be useful for the seasons that lie ahead. As you develop deeper wisdom and discernment, you will begin to recognize when He is pressing you to move forward and to leave some things behind.

Healing + Delivered: The Shift You Can’t Undo

I had to get used to being unrecognizable, unapproachable, and misunderstood — watching the people closest to me begin to take notice of new qualities and traits they’d never seen before. In some ways, these changes led me to feel very conflicted. First, it made me feel great because it meant I was really changing. Then it made me feel sad because I knew I’d never be the same again. I'm in far too deep to turn back now. The habits I used to have? Changed. The way I spoke? Changed. The people I associated with? Changed. The way I operated, accomplished, and took action? Changed. He was getting ready to deliver me.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I thought as a child, I reasoned as a child. When I became a man, I [put aside] childish things." 1 Corinthians 13:11

It wasn’t until I began to write this blog post that God brought to my remembrance the story of deliverance in Mark 5 — the man with unclean spirits. In this particular story, the man struggled immensely with many strongholds: loneliness, despair, hopelessness, and anger, to name a few. He spent so much time with these spirits, they became a part of his identity. You can see that in his response when Jesus approached him, and he said:

"What do you want to do with me, Jesus Christ, son of man?" Don't torment me!"

What Healing Took Away—and What It Gave Back

It's always laughable how we think that Jesus is intimidated by us. We hide and cower away out of fear. We can get so used to carrying these loads, we assume that's the way we will live and function forever. Before I pursued my healing, through the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I found myself scared to know who I was without these addictions; these crutches. I thought if I healed it meant that I would no longer recognize myself. In some ways that was true, but I think the biggest difference is that I am more authentic to myself. I feel more aligned to who Jesus called to be. I didn't know it then, that I needed to be known, seen, loved for myself and eternally. This is merely the beginning of my journey of learning to find strength and hope to heal.

If you liked this blog post, Comment "OVERHAUL" if you are ready to see your life fully transformed and made new. Thank God's for His Holy Spirit ensures that how you enter is not how you exit. Be encouraged that you are confidently being transformed by the renewing of your mind.

“Known, Seen, Loved” (Live from the Quarry) became the soundtrack of this season—whispering truth to my heart when I struggled to believe it for myself.

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